Some Made Up Feel Good Stories

[GratefulFred]

Ok the evil muslims hate us. Nothing new. This thread, for those who wish to contribute, is only for bearers of good news (even if it's made up).

The 6 Minute War - In an elaborate attack lasting 6 short minutes, the Israeli airforce took out the not completed Iranian nuclear complex, as well as succeeding in assassinating Muhamud Achmadnejad with a toilet bomb. Additionally, the IAF took out all Iranian oil production thus destroying the iranian economy. The new president of Iran had these statements "We wish to apologize to the Israeli people for past threats. We have decided to absorb all of your Palestinians in Gaza and the West Bank to help us rebuild our economy. Please send them to us ASAP".

[GratefulFred]

Freak Weather System - In recent news a rain cloud over Lake Knerrett has dumped in so much water that the banks are overflowing. The Jordan river likewise has grown in size as it funnels down to the dead sea where preperations now to block the Hotels from being flooded are taking place. As the cloud does not seem to be going any place Israeli residents are urged to water their gardens daily or face stiff penalties.

[maven]

Hundreds of Thousands Take to Streets To Protest Disproportionate Slaughter Of Women And Children.

The "Stop The War Coalition" along with human rights groups and demonstators from all over the UK including ten thousand Muslims who travelled from all over the country rallied today in Londons Hyde Park against the massacre of civilians by the government of Sri Lanka.

Protesters carried pictures of the Sri Lankan president with a swastika painted over his face.

The crowds were addressed by a number of British lawmakers including Tony Benn, Jeremy Corbyn, Claire Short along with Baroness Tong, Lord Ahmed and famous British writers and broadcasters.

Protesters were angry about the bombing of hospitals and schools, attacks on civilians and UN compounds, use of banned weapons such as phosporous shells and condemned the what Press TV Iran called the "Siegefire" around the last remaining area held by Tamas fighters.

The International Committee of the Red Cross reported an "unfolding catastrophe" with trapped civilians short of food, medicine and shelter.

"With extreme shortages of medicines and hospital facilities many more of the injured will die," they added.

Sri Lanka's government on Wednesday rejected fresh calls for a truce as it's tanks demolished thousands of Civilian homes and medical clinics.

Independent verification of claims and counter-claims is not possible as the authorities have severely restricted access to the region by relief agencies, diplomats and independent journalists.

British MP George Galloway who led the protest told the crowds,

"This is our opportunity and the opportunity of the whole movement of the left and liberals to prove that we will not only condemn Israel, we are not anti-Semites brothers and sisters. We will condemn the atrocities of all regimes including Sri Lanka and we will condemn the terrorist murderers of Al Quaida and the Taliban who slaughter children in the streets.

Demonstrations also took place in Dearborn Michigan, Washington and cities of Australia as well as all around the Muslim world.

[andak01]

The President announced today that the US national debt has finally been paid off. In celebration, there will be a year without taxes. The excess money in the budget will be used to heat the planet since the sun is about to burn out. Dateline 2/20/25341. Also, troops will be coming home from Iraq. Mission accomplished.

[Y. Shulamith]

Due to global warming, everyone in the middle east has made peace because "it's too damn hot to fight" as temperatures soared way past previous records; it was decided that glasses of iced lemonade would be toasted to the new dawn of peace.

[Reffo]

My suggestion is to include only "Some REAL Feel Good Stories", they do exist you know :). I am not a fan of made up fantasy stories, I'd rather leave that to Arabs and to crazy fringe groups in the west. For example, I recently saw a film which was a fantasy about Tony Blair being tried for war crimes for invading Iraq. I can tell you, it didn't flatter the intellect of those who were involved in the production of the film...

I'll try and find some real feel good stories to post here ... later ...

[GratefulFred]

My suggestion is to include only "Some REAL Feel Good Stories", they do exist you know :). I am not a fan of made up fantasy stories, I'd rather leave that to Arabs and to crazy fringe groups in the west. For example, I recently saw a film which was a fantasy about Tony Blair being tried for war crimes for invading Iraq. I can tell you, it didn't flatter the intellect of those who were involved in the production of the film...

I'll try and find some real feel good stories to post here ... later ...

You are allowed to put some real stories, but don't stop us unrealistic idealists from dreaming.

[Reffo]

No, good luck to you, just be careful that you don't turn into them ....;)

[maven]

Muammar al-Gaddafi Admits He Is Gay.

Supreme leader for life of Libya Muammar al-Gaddafi ended years of speculation about his sexuality after severe UN criticism over Libya's national spending on his uniforms.

The former soldier who has his own James Bond style all-female presidential guard said that the four percent of Libya's GDP spend on his outfits was in fact a job creation programme to sustain Libya's fragile fashion industry.

Gaddafi employs a large staff of tailors and dressmakers to make his creative designs and is said to have a new garment manafactured for every day of the year.

A large Airforce hanger near to the presidential palace is used as a closet to store his collection. The hanger contains three hundred meters of display cabinets alone that hold the largest known assortment of sunglases; many rare examples from Coco Chanel and Yves Saint Laurent, in the world.

Gaddafi commented "It is has not been easy for a raging queen like me to have to abstain from bonking my male staff for so many years let alone to keep up a butch image so that my son can inherit my job, but it is the sacrifice I make for the people of Libya."

[Reffo]

Here is a REAL feel good story NOT A MADE UP ONE:

Rome: Italian politicans rally for Israel (http://www.jihadwatch.org/archives/024437.php)

Dear friends, We didn’t expect what you see now in the picture. This is the square of the Italian Parliament in Rome, Piazza Montecitorio: you can see the Palace on top of the square, and in front a lot of Israeli flags.That was Wednesday night, January 14, from 6,30 to 9,30 pm. What you cannot see here, is the extraordinary number and variety of members of the Parliament, about 100 from all political sides, that took the stage during our marathon: for about three hours we have been speaking about the role of Israel, its right to self defense, its moral height, its fight in name of all of us, of our civilization and values, against the wild hate of the Islamic jihad represented by Hamas. It seems to me that for the first time in the too long history of the arab Israeli conflict, apart from a minority of crazy leftists and fascists that took the street on anti-Semitic slogans, we have obtained a huge consensus about one critical point: this is not an episode of a local conflict, there is nothing in it that reminds the land for peace theme that has characterized the Palestinian issue. This is an episode of the attack against the western world, and Iran has a lot to do with it.
The change of attitude is great: the dictatorial religious nature of Hamas and the democratic, civilized nature of Israel are seen face to face for what they are at least by the European elite at large, dead and wounded notwithstanding, and there rises an identification with Israel against a regime that uses human shields and promises slaughters of Jews in its Charter.

What happens today, at least in Italy, is the defeat and fall of the leftist ideologies: ideology has been the fig leaf that has allowed to justify all the most violent crimes and most disgusting verbal attacks. If Arafat launched the terrorist Intifada, if he promoted the martyrdom of children in public speeches, the ideologists were ready to justify him with the issues of occupation, the Palestinian misery and loss of any hope. Not the same with Hamas. History, in Italy, has brought to a profound crisis the ideology of revolution and the justification of any cruel attack against a pretended unjust imperialist order. That time is in good part over, nobody will see Hamas as the resolution of the problem and not as the problem itself. I also think that the word “peace” has lost that healing meaning that it had until yesterday. The new non-ideological point of view sees that there is no peace when one of the contenders doesn’t want it, and that even if the world in the short run asks for a truce, in the long run requests a defeat of Hamas.

Well, yesterday night many people, Ministers and Members of Parliament, composed a very new, interesting puzzle of opinions. I think that when you are not overwhelmed by exotic thirdworldism, the images of children educated as hate machines, the speeches of jihad leaders, from Ahmadinejad to Nasrallah, to Hanje, that deny the holocaust and promise death to Jewish and Christians too, have on us a result of great disgust. Westerners, thanks God, can still be disgusted by an uncivilized level of political speech.

But most of all, in the Parliament square, many of the Parliament Members said: “I love Israel”. You can’t imagine how many.

[GratefulFred]

Yossi Bennaiun, captain of the israel national soccer squad, decided in the 91st minute of play in the World Cup Championship in South Africa to make a goal to help Brazil avoid an embarrassing shut out. The Israeli side won by a score of 9 to 1 and even Dudu Awash the goal keeper recorded his first goal of his life. Even after the match as the audience of mostly foreigners sang the "Hatikvah", Yossi had these words to say "You know with Shahar Peer, the number one player in women's tennis, and Maccabi Tel Aviv winning another basketball championship, and now we've won the world cup, it may be hard to duplicate this next year, but we will try."

[GratefulFred]

Freak Disease Crosses Middle East - A strange disease has spread throughout the middle east in recent days that is killing off all Arabs and Persians but seems to have little effect on jewish people. Recent efforts at the University of Tel Aviv have discovered that a simple cure to this fatal disease is to wear clothing that is only blue and white in color. Thus far no Arabs or Persians seem to be taking treatment. Next week land parcels equalling 10 dunoms each extending to the Tigris and Euphrates river will be given out to each and every Israeli family.

[Mosche]

This made me smile--actually it made my eyes a bit watery!

www.necn.com/Boston/New-England/2009/02/27/Iron-workers-brighten-cancer/1235772584.html - 66k

[maven]

'MASSIVE EARTQUAKE SWALLOWS MECCA' AP Newsagency.


A massive earthquake measuring 10 on the Richter scale has swallowed Mecca. Luckily everyone was away from the Mosque watching the much awaited conclusion to an Israeli soap dubbed in Arabic and shown on Israel's new pan-Arabic culture channel.

Ayotallah Ali Sistani commented from Najaf in Iraq; "At last Muslims will be free from the idolatry of worshipping bricks and mortar. Too much of this idol worship has crept into Islam.

[Mil]

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML hahahahahahahaha lol

[bararallu]

Strange but true.

March 2nd 2009, London.

MP. George Galloway has been hospitalized late this morning for what doctors at the Middlesex care facility are saying off record as "colono-rectal hemorrhage due to introduction and asphyxiation of a small hairless mammal".

Update, the small mammal in question has been identified as former London mayor Ken Livingstone's pet "simon," a rare breed of hairless Guinea Pig. The former mayor commented that the pet was acting strangely at a party held at his residence last night and the last he saw of him was Mr Galloway kindly placing him into it's cage in the garage. Mr Galloway had no comment, except a quick reference to Zionist activities in the aforementioned party and a stinging and surprising pain he encountered this early morning.

[Mediocrates]

Not Dark Yet

Shadows are falling and I've been here all day
It's too hot to sleep time is running away
Feel like my soul has turned into steel
I've still got the scars that the sun didn't heal
There's not even room enough to be anywhere
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there


Well my sense of humanity has gone down the drain
Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain
She wrote me a letter and she wrote it so kind
She put down in writing what was in her mind
I just don't see why I should even care
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there


Well, I've been to London and I've been to gay Paree
I've followed the river and I got to the sea
I've been down on the bottom of a world full of lies
I ain't looking for nothing in anyone's eyes
Sometimes my burden seems more than I can bear



It's not dark yet, but it's getting there
I was born here and I'll die here against my will
I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still
Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb
I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from
Don't even hear a murmur of a prayer
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.


Copyright ©1997 Special Rider Music

[maven]

Not Dark Yet

Shadows are falling and I've been here all day
It's too hot to sleep time is running away
Feel like my soul has turned into steel
I've still got the scars that the sun didn't heal
There's not even room enough to be anywhere
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there


Well my sense of humanity has gone down the drain
Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain
She wrote me a letter and she wrote it so kind
She put down in writing what was in her mind
I just don't see why I should even care
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there


Well, I've been to London and I've been to gay Paree
I've followed the river and I got to the sea
I've been down on the bottom of a world full of lies
I ain't looking for nothing in anyone's eyes
Sometimes my burden seems more than I can bear



It's not dark yet, but it's getting there
I was born here and I'll die here against my will
I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still
Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb
I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from
Don't even hear a murmur of a prayer
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.


Copyright ©1997 Special Rider Music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijiVYgvbP1M

[GratefulFred]

Bob Dylan releases more lyrics for his song "Neighborhood Bully" that didn't make the cut as he left the lyrics in his typewriter when he went down to the studio to cut an album. Do not look at the timeline and try to make sense of it as we all know Dylan was a pure genius ahead of his time.

Well the Persians went crazy, Holocaust they denied
Invested in Uranium, the mad world stood by
And the Israeli stopped warning, planes took up to the sky,
Iranian empire & their goatee leader had just gone bye-bye
Well he's a neighborhood bully.

And in Gaza shot missiles, made his people run
And when he fought back, the world screamed "How Come?"
And they blamed him for deaths even when bodies weren't found
A Pallywood production, it is internet bound.
Well he's a neighborhood bully.