elreason4
02-19-2003, 11:58 AM
Le Monde Parody from the Weekly Standard 2/17/2003
Saddam Surenders to French!
Terrified By Prospect of More Speeches
In a stunning turnaround, Saddam Hussein has relinquished his grip on the nation of Iraq and fled Bagdad. “No regional offices!” the mass murderer was reported to have shrieked while fleeing from one of his presidential palaces. Earlier in the week French foreign minister Dominique de Villepin had suggested that if Saddam did not disarm, U.N. inspectors should contemplate opening regional offices around Iraq.
Historians note that never before in human history has a genocidal tyrant been so intimidated by a man named Dominique. Nonetheless, the Frenchman’s manly and aggressive presentation before the Security Council surely turned the tide in the global showdown. Threatening to explore the “uncertainties” and “unresolved issues” relating to Iraq’s compliance with U.N. resolutions, de Villepin raised the spectre of further French action.
“We will not rule out anything,” the French official menaced, suggesting that the U.N. should double or even triple the number of inspectors. This would have caused massive inconvenience for Iraqi officials, who would have been forced to find hotel rooms for the extra inspectors and deal with their demands for café au lait and pain au chocolat each morning.
In addition, France threatened to create a new bureaucracy within the UNMOVIC structure, which would almost have certainly have pushed Iraq’s ability to handle U.N. paperwork beyond the breaking point.
Intelligence officials had long believed that Saddam simply could not handle a French barrage of condescension and pretentiousness. Thus, deploying a form of psychological warfare too subtle for primitive Americans to grasp, the Chirac government loosed a steady barrage if abstractions and paradoxes at the Iraqi leader. He finally cracked under the assault.
-par Jean de la Doucement
Saddam Surenders to French!
Terrified By Prospect of More Speeches
In a stunning turnaround, Saddam Hussein has relinquished his grip on the nation of Iraq and fled Bagdad. “No regional offices!” the mass murderer was reported to have shrieked while fleeing from one of his presidential palaces. Earlier in the week French foreign minister Dominique de Villepin had suggested that if Saddam did not disarm, U.N. inspectors should contemplate opening regional offices around Iraq.
Historians note that never before in human history has a genocidal tyrant been so intimidated by a man named Dominique. Nonetheless, the Frenchman’s manly and aggressive presentation before the Security Council surely turned the tide in the global showdown. Threatening to explore the “uncertainties” and “unresolved issues” relating to Iraq’s compliance with U.N. resolutions, de Villepin raised the spectre of further French action.
“We will not rule out anything,” the French official menaced, suggesting that the U.N. should double or even triple the number of inspectors. This would have caused massive inconvenience for Iraqi officials, who would have been forced to find hotel rooms for the extra inspectors and deal with their demands for café au lait and pain au chocolat each morning.
In addition, France threatened to create a new bureaucracy within the UNMOVIC structure, which would almost have certainly have pushed Iraq’s ability to handle U.N. paperwork beyond the breaking point.
Intelligence officials had long believed that Saddam simply could not handle a French barrage of condescension and pretentiousness. Thus, deploying a form of psychological warfare too subtle for primitive Americans to grasp, the Chirac government loosed a steady barrage if abstractions and paradoxes at the Iraqi leader. He finally cracked under the assault.
-par Jean de la Doucement