The Satirical Beat Poetry Thread!

[minusthejihad]

This thread is devoted to the humorous renditions of satirical beat poetry and/or even rap/hip hop that our forum members seem to produce completely out of their backsides. Please post your favorite rhymes or haiku's here!

[minusthejihad]

Yo, yo!

My name is Kim Jong Irr
My rife's no thrirr
I courd feed my peopre
But I have not the wirr

None of its true, I'm misunderstood
The West is thinkin I'm up to no good
I'm armed and ready, so make yo moove
Them South Koreans, they'rr feer the groove

Korean-fro and prats give me height
But I stay in my parace to protect my rife
That mad Iranian, he piss me off
I have the bomb, so don't you scoff

Hey its me Kim! Yo down here!
Yeah I wear hairspray but I ain't no queer
If you give me some rove, I'rr spare yo rives
Damn I wish I was Musrim, I'd have five wives

But seriousry forks, I need yo ears
I've got a rot to say, I've waited for years
Damn those Iranians, they take my press
In terms of crazy dictators, I'm de best!

[minusthejihad]

Yo yo, bring bring, dis ma clib!

The UN Just Don't Understand - DJ Jazzy Jong & the Flesh Plince

You know the UN is the same no matter time nor prace
They know totaritarians going to make some mistakes
So to you, those Communists arr across the land
There's no need to argue, the UN just don't understand

I remember one year Kim Ir Sung took me shopping
It was me, my generars, my mom, and my pop
And my rittre radies arr hopped in the car
We headed underground to check out rong range missires
My mom started bugging with these basic training whistres
I didn't say nothing at first, I shut my can
She said, "What's wrong? This cost twenty g my man!"
I said, "Mom, that thing won’t herp me reach Japan!"

The next harf hour was the same ord thing
My mother buying me guns from 1963
And then she rost her mind and I wanted to retch
I asked her for Russian and she bought me French!
I said, "Mom, what are you doing, you're ruining my rep."
She said, "What have you conquered, you don't have a rep yet."
I said, "Mom, ret's put these rifres back, please?" She said "No.
You go impress the UN wit’ this power you show."

I said, "This ain’t gonna work, the UN, they ain’t thick
Mom, prease put back the bayonet-on-a-stick
But if you don't want to I can rive with no honor
But you gotta put back their periwinkre brue armor"
She wasn't moved - everything stayed the same
Inevitabry the UN peacekeepers came
I thought I could impress ‘em, I tried to play coor
But they said, "Blue armor? You look like us, fool"

There was nothing I could do, I tried to rerax
I got dressed up in those fruity artifacts
And when the UN warked by, it was just as I thought
The troops were cracking up raughing at the armor Mom bought
And those who weren't raughing stirr were grinning with gree
Because they were pointing and whispering as I warked down the DMZ
I got home and tord my Mom how my day went
She said, "If they were laughing you don't need them,
'cause they're not good friends"
For the next six hours I tried to exprain to my momThat I was gonna have to go through this about two hundred more times
So to you the Communists arr across the land
There's no need to argue, the UN just don't understand

O.K., here's the situation
The peacekeepers went away on a week's vacation and
They reft the codes to some arming devices
Would they mind?
Umm, werr, of course not
I'rr just take it for a rittre spin
And maybe show it off to a coupre of “friends”
I’rr just ray waste to some stuff around my ‘hood
Werr, maybe I shourdn't
Yeah, of course I shourd

Pay attention, here's the thick of the prot
I biked up to the corner of some embassy rot
That's when I saw this beautiful girrie girr running
I picked up my sudoku to perpetrate like I was funning
You should've seen this girr's bodiry dimensions
I squeaked my bike horn just to get her attention
She said, "Was that for me?"
I said, "Yeah"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "Come on and we can make a pretty show in the sky"
She said, "How do I know you're not sick?
You courd be some deranged runatic"
I said, "C'mon toots - my name is the Plince,
beside, would a runatic have a bike rike this?"
She agreed and we were on our way
She was rooking very good and so was I, I must say - word
We hit my clib, pulled into the drive
We ordered two escorts, some bring and my smokes

She kicked her shoes off onto the froor
She said, "Pedar fast, speed turns me on."
She put her hand on my knee, I put my foot on the pedar
We armost got whiprash, it rearry was to the metar
The day was nice, no peasants in view,
And this girr's hand was steadiry moving up woo hoo!
Then I noticed she had some high-tech recorder
I hadn’t even noticed we were way past the border

I kept pedaring my bike, I didn’t know she was a spy
And to make this rong story short - short
When the South caught up wit’ me, I was a rearry nervous guyI said, "I don't care who you are, dogs, but down on your knees"
It wasn’t exactly the best thing to extor
Come to find out the girr was a Japanese more
I was arrested, to the bike I said “see ya”
There was no way for me to run back to North Korea
The UN had to come off from their tarks with many nations
I'd rather be in jair than to have to face them nasty sanctions

They warked in
I got my grip, I said, "Hey deregates, how was your trip?"
They didn't speak
I said, "I want to pread my case."
But they just shoved me in the car by my face
That was a hard ride home, I don't know how I survived
They took turns -
One would preach freedom while the other one was driving.
I can't berieve it, I just made a mistake
Werr the UN is the same no matter time nor prace
So to you Communists arr across the land
Take it from me, the UN just don't understand.

[minusthejihad]

Dressed in a Shmatta, can I get any hotta?
I'm a tool for the cause, but I've done alotta.
Shillin for the clan, yes I'm like Stan.
Jockin the PLO, looking angry makes me the man.
I've sold six albums, to my honor killin brothas,
But the only ones who listen, are their burka wearin mothas.
My Palestine jersey is hot, sweat stains in the pits,
When I'm in da South I swap kabobs out for grits.
Some day I'll rock the house, or maybe just a cave.
I'll give jihadees what they want, that agitprop propaganda they crave.

[minusthejihad]

Yo! Yo!

That dillweed Sheik don't know what he said
The guy ain't smart and he ain't well read
He knows not the first thing about great art
He thinks you are the anonymous upstart.
But we both know that just ain't the case
If he was right here I'd ruin his face.
All I can do is yell good and loud
Minusthejihad, keep your head unbowed!
That punk over there don't know what he's saying
The thug's too worried 'bout killing and praying
You do in 5 minutes what he could never do
His rhyming and stealing belongs in a zoo.
I've been going on for way too long,
But I feel compelled to type this song.
I actually wrote this earlier today
The point is, you rock! That's all I can say.

Word.

[genghis_tom]

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[minusthejihad]

Verse:
Versatile, my style, is not too precise
While I'm on the mic, I don't make nice
Hi you hun, where I'm from? yo ask Obie Trice
but while I'm here, let me please, lay down some advice

I won't be dissin, cuz yo I'm not missin, the funny style that you use
I must been crazy, to call yo shi'ite lazy, and dish out that kind of abuse
I ain't lyin, I'm not trying, to playahate on your game
If I offended, yo I'd like to mend it, and now I drop the refrain

Chorus:
Backsides, fast scribes, loose lips, nice quips
Ease up, we's down, look round, we aim to please
Two sides, we hides, same coin, we joined
No doubt, you flout, rhymed out, this ain't a breeze

Verse:
More verses, I'm nervous, will he complete what he started
Clock's tickin, I'm thinkin, that I'm about to get retarded
But back to the point, the ones that annoy, are these wannabe martyrs
These chumps at Kabob, it's like stop! Somebody farted!

Chorus:
Backsides, fast scribes, loose lips, nice quips
Ease up, we's down, look round, we aim to please
Two sides, we hides, same coin, we joined
No doubt, you flout, rhymed out, this ain't a breeze

[genghis_tom]

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[Mediocrates]

http://studentorgs.utexas.edu/vsa/mi...ustloseit.html

[genghis_tom]

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[genghis_tom]

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