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Thread: Joke : India Vs Pakistan ,Nuclear war

  1. #1
    pagan
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    Joke : India Vs Pakistan ,Nuclear war

    The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India.


    They don't need any permission from their government(actually such a thing does not exist in Porkistan), and promptly order the countdowns.

    Indian technology is highly advanced.


    In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution.

    But they need permission from the Government of India.

    They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet.


    The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned and adjourned indefinitely.

    The President asks for a quick decision.

    In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure.

    Their attempts for a re launch are still on.


    Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it.


    The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

    As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.

    The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile.

    But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not take such a decision because elections are at hand.

    A Public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.

    The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is
    authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

    Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles
    away from the target, on its own government building at 11.35AM.


    Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early.


    In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.

    The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA.

    The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting.

    This time all the parties agree.

    Its three months since the Pak army had started the nuclear war.

    But as Indian preparations begin, "pro-humanity" and "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision.

    Human chains are formed and Road Rail Blockades are organized.

    In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians to stop the war condemning the Indian government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".


    On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan.


    Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

    Pakistan had enough of it's own technology.
    A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service.


    Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits its original destination: Russia. (The smuggled missile was an old one made during the cold war times)


    Russia successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad.


    The missile hits the target and creates havoc.


    Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.


    Thus India never gets to launch the missile.


    Pakistan never gets it right.


    And


    we live happily ever after!!!!


    Keep Smiling.

    Jai Hind...............
    Last edited by pagan; 07-30-2008 at 07:04 AM.

  2. #2
    varian
    Guest
    Very funny.

    Just two questions though:
    1) Who gets Kashmir?
    2) Do you have an agent?

  3. #3
    pagan
    Guest
    1) Who gets Kashmir?
    Pakistan belongs to Hindustan. So the question is wrong
    2) Do you have an agent?
    Hmmm....Pardon me couldn't understand the question.

  4. #4
    varian
    Guest
    Every good stand-up comic needs a good agent.

  5. #5
    pagan
    Guest
    For those who don't know about Parle-G biscuits. This is the great biscuit of India. Indian Urchins grow up by eating it.

  6. #6
    andak01
    Guest
    The IDF decides to launch a nuke-missile towards Iran.
    ...
    And Tel Aviv ends up getting nuked and they are all glowing and dead!

    HAHAHA!!!
    And


    we live happily ever after!!!!


    Keep Smiling.

    Is that what you would support here if a joke like that was aimed at you??? Genocide sucks.

  7. #7
    varian
    Guest
    Excuse me, but I took it as a jab by Pagan at the incompetence of the Indian government at handling a true crisis (e.g. his own government). I don't know for sure because I have never actually been to India. The only people throwing around the thought of genocide and, or extermination these days are Jihadi Muslims. The truth is much sadder than the scenario in Pagan's joke. It's a sadder fact that some Jihadi Muslims use the same prophet, Koran, writings, go on the same Hajj, follow all the same rules and regulations etc., etc., ad nauseam as other Muslims, but just have a penchant for wanting to obtain and use weapons of mass destruction in divers places around the globe. That is a much sadder fact than a joke presented in the "lounge" area of this forum. If you find the joke more offensive than the actual behavior of Jihadis in the world today, then your sensitivities are sorely misplaced. If you have no sense of humor, or as more to the point, you are just looking to pick a fight (which is my best guess) - well then as the Brits phrase it - bugger off!!!
    Now, go report me to a Mod you whinging sook!!!

  8. #8
    andak01
    Guest
    So if you were taking odds, would you guess that Pakistan shoots a missile at India before Israel bombs Iran? Pagan's version is a joke that's never going to happen.

  9. #9
    varian
    Guest
    Why do you care, do you have a summer home over there??? I don't really care what they do, except that when one goes off there will be a whole slew of unintended consequences to follow. The series of events that Pagan presented about the events that have to take place in India for an acceptable response to be formulated is eerily similar to the ineptitude demonstrated in the good old USA. So, yes, I find that hilarious. The genie won't go back into the bottle. It's a matter of when, not if.

  10. #10
    Senior Member dayag's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by andak01 View Post
    So if you were taking odds, would you guess that Pakistan shoots a missile at India before Israel bombs Iran? Pagan's version is a joke that's never going to happen.
    I think the odds are much more likely that a Pakistani nuke will end up in terrorist hands, than Israel will nuke Iran in a first strike. Musharraf's regime is very unstable.
    "If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand wither, let my tongue cleave to my palate if I do not remember you, if I do not set Jerusalem above my highest joy." (Ps. 137: 5-7)"

    "Any generation in which the Temple is not built, it is as if it had been destroyed in their times" (Yerushalmi, Yoma 1a).

  11. #11
    andak01
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    Quote Originally Posted by dayag View Post
    I think the odds are much more likely that a Pakistani nuke will end up in terrorist hands, than Israel will nuke Iran in a first strike. Musharraf's regime is very unstable.
    Musharraf no longer has a regiem. He stepped down as head of the military in 2007 and is no longer on the ballot. My turn to correct you (thanks again).

  12. #12
    Senior Member dayag's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by andak01 View Post
    Musharraf no longer has a regiem. He stepped down as head of the military in 2007 and is no longer on the ballot. My turn to correct you (thanks again).
    I still consider Musharraf's rule to be illegitimate due to his suspending the constitution and arresting several jurists including the Chief Justice after the 2007 elections when the Supreme Court of Pakistan was about to declare his candidacy unconstitutional. The fact that he is no longer a general doesn't make the 2007 election any more kosher in my view. To me it is still an illegitimate regime. And legitimate or not, I still believe that Pakistan is very unstable.
    "If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand wither, let my tongue cleave to my palate if I do not remember you, if I do not set Jerusalem above my highest joy." (Ps. 137: 5-7)"

    "Any generation in which the Temple is not built, it is as if it had been destroyed in their times" (Yerushalmi, Yoma 1a).

  13. #13
    andak01
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    Quote Originally Posted by dayag View Post
    The fact that he is no longer a general doesn't make the 2007 election any more kosher in my view. To me it is still an illegitimate regime. And legitimate or not, I still believe that Pakistan is very unstable.
    That much we agree on. But wouldn't an election in Pakistan be Halal, rather than Kosher?

  14. #14
    Senior Member dayag's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by andak01 View Post
    That much we agree on. But wouldn't an election in Pakistan be Halal, rather than Kosher?
    You are right, I stand corrected.
    "If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand wither, let my tongue cleave to my palate if I do not remember you, if I do not set Jerusalem above my highest joy." (Ps. 137: 5-7)"

    "Any generation in which the Temple is not built, it is as if it had been destroyed in their times" (Yerushalmi, Yoma 1a).

  15. #15
    farmall
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    "Is that what you would support here if a joke like that was aimed at you??? Genocide sucks."

    That depends purely on situation and perspective. Once we accept that it is natural for mortal enemies to do anything necessary to win, the trifles of the process aren't worth much consideration.

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